


'wish i had stayed in bed'

by CastelloFlare



Category: Shingeki no Kyojin | Attack on Titan
Genre: 104th Trainees Squad - Freeform, Crack, Gen, erwin high as fuck, i guess everyone else is pretty high
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2014-03-01
Updated: 2014-03-01
Packaged: 2018-01-14 04:38:14
Rating: General Audiences
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 1
Words: 1,839
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/1253164
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/CastelloFlare/pseuds/CastelloFlare
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>Connie Springer wakes up to a rather unusual morning smelling of lavander shampoo.</p>
            </blockquote>





	'wish i had stayed in bed'

Connie Springer wakes up with a mane of flowing, silky brown hair. He screams. He screams but no one hears him, because the room is empty.

He goes out to find everyone in the dining hall and he’s not sure how to feel with what he sees.

Where should he start?

Mikasa’s wearing a dress with an apron over it, and a smile on her face. She also has a red ribbon on her hair, and she’s giving out free loaves of bread to everyone from her big woven basket-- while humming a happy tune.

“Mikasa! You are sooooo pretty and kind,” Eren says from behind her as he follows her around the room. “I won’t let anything happen to you… I will always protect you!”

“Eren, don’t be so clingy! You’re not my parent,” Mikasa practically whines, but she does it so cutely that it was so out of character to Connie, but this just makes Eren blush all the more.

“Uggh, get a room you whiny little girls!” Connie looks at the direction of the voice and sees Christa, her jacket flung across her shoulders and her arms folded across her chest. She’s sitting on top of a table while she’s chewing on a piece of hay.

“Oy Mikasa, just give me the grub already, we're wasting daylight here!”

“Don’t you dare order Mikasa around,” Eren gives Christa a very sharp glare, but it isn't sharp enough that she doesn’t even bat him an eyelid. Beside her, Ymir is shivering and looking all around her like some paranoid chick. She looks scared shitless of Christa, and doesn’t complain when her food is taken from her.

“Don’t fret, my dear, here’s a cookie!” Mikasa hands it to Ymir, but Christa manages to steal that away, too.

Connie doesn’t know if he should approach them, but no one actually seems to even notice him, him who was bald yesterday and suddenly hairy today. He backs away slowly, but he hits something soft so he turns around and sees…

“Annie!” he yelps, because he knows that one does not simply hit Annie Leonhart.

“No biggie, Connie~ It was silly of me to walk behind you when you were walking backwards,” Annie says with a big, toothy smile, but that’s not what really leaves Connie speechless. Her soft golden locks hang lose over her shoulders, and they look bouncy and smell heavily of shampoo. “Oh, and nice hair by the way, smells like lavenders or whatever blue flower, you should like, totally tell me how you take care of it, like maybe after today, I’ll come by your room okay?” she says without pausing for air before she turns away and sits beside a nerdy looking girl with big spectacles.

“Oh there you are, Sasha! As I was telling you yesterday, blah blah blah blah and then he was like blah blah blah blah but of course I blah blah blah blah,” Annie won’t stop talking even when Mikasa comes by and gives her a loaf of bread. Beside her, Sasha doesn’t even bother to pretend to listen.

“Tch, I knew I shouldn’t have gone to the dining hall to read, I’m not even hungry,” Sasha mutters as she adjusts her glasses on her face, but despite having said that, she still goes on to read… the big-ass dictionary on her lap. She leaves Mikasa’s charity-express bread on the table, which Christa grabs and gobbles in seconds.

“You are like, such a good listener, Sasha,” Annie says wide-eyed and all girly, and she continues to chat away with the brown-haired girl.

Connie decides he’s had enough of listening to Annie’s monologue with Sasha and moves on to the next table, which was filled with various colourful knitted scarves, a big sewing kit and a sewing machine, a mannequin’s head bust with a single wig on it, different pieces of cloth and pins tucked into a big pink pincushion.

Behind that big pile of pretty arts and crafts, was a manly and muscular Reiner, who was busy knitting a pair of gloves.

“… What the fuck are you doing, Reiner?” Connie asks, although this is a rhetorical question.

“Why, a pair of indigo gloves, of course!” Reiner responds with a big, proud smile, still keeping his eyes on his work. “I’m already done with the red, orange, yellow, green, and blue ones, and after this I’ll only have the violet pair to work on and the Rainbow Glove collection is all done!”

“… But this is the dining hall.”

“I couldn’t possibly leave all my work in my room, can I? There’s still so much to do!”

“You’re so… dedicated,” is all Connie says when suddenly, a big booted foot slams over the table and squishes the scarves dirty. Reiner breaks out in a high-pitched scream, making everyone around them turn to their direction.

“My masterpieces! Shit, why didn't you step on the pincushion instead?” Reiner mutters under his breath as he calms down.

“What? You saying something, punk!?” Says Bertolt in a menacing tone as he bares his teeth at the muscular seamstress.

“Didn’t we already tell you yesterday that this was our table?” Behind him, Marco has a sly smile playing on his face. “What do you say we do to him, boss?”

Connie almost felt his new hair about to fall off by each strand, when he sees that the boss Marco was referring to was Armin, the skinny bookworm who couldn’t even hurt a fly even if it was already sucking his blood.

“Reiner, Reiner,” Armin says as he comes out from behind his two lackeys and stands in front of the said boy. “You do love wedgies so much that you’re having them every day, don’t you?”

“I don’t! It hurts!” Reiner looks like he’s about to break down. “Armin, you…! You… are mean!” And he breaks down after trying on that corny play on words.

“Oy! Pull yourself together, damn it!” Connie slaps Reiner’s back but the big guy has already started on his big drama fit. Mikasa comes to his side to comfort him with a cookie.

“Stop!”

Connie thinks that someone sane finally takes the scene, but he takes this back when he sees that it’s Jean squeezing himself in the warzone.

“Don’t fight! Lay down your arms! Aren’t you all tired of this fighting and hurting others? Outside there’s an unending chaos so we must have peace within ourselves, and stand united to overcome our adversities—.”

“Here he goes again,” Marco rolls his eyes. “Always the pacifist, aren’t we, Kirschstein?”

“You are my worst enemy, Bott, but in the name of my morals, I’m not breaking my principles for someone like you,” Jean says as he places his hand on his chest. Connie’s face scrunches up at how he looks like a politician running for candidacy or whatever.

“That’s what all cowards say,” Bertolt laughs but he is suddenly flung to the center of the room by a force so quick no one sees it.

“Shuddup, beanpole,” Christa says, her booted foot smoking from kicking Bertolt. “I especially asked for those scarves, you idiot.”

“Actually, ‘threatened’ is more like it…” Reiner begins but Christa’s punch cuts his speech short.

“You!” Eren yells from a corner. “You could have hit Mikasa!” But again, he is utterly ignored.

“Oy, Armin! Always hiding behind your minions, eh? Come on and fight me!” Christa yells and assumes a fighting pose. Behind her, Ymir is hunched on her knees rocking herself back and forth.

“If you think I’m going to waste my time on you, you’re putting yourself on a very high pedestal, Renz,” Armin smirks. "Ha! Big talk for someone who copies a woman's hairstyle!" Christa snarls at him.

Connie knows a fight is about to break out, and that he can’t do anything to stop it, so in his head he hopes that someone has telepathic powers so that they can hear him screaming for help.

Suddenly, a very tall, and I repeat, very tall shadow looms over Connie. He looks to his left, and slowly tilts his head up 90 degrees to look at the man’s deadpan, fish-like eyes.

“Whatcha looking at, punk!” Corporal Levi says, his arms over his chest. He was scary when he was half his size, but now that he’s a towering beast, he just became *cue deep, big voice* really scary. Connie only manages to swallow a gulp when suddenly—

“Oh shit oh shit, I’m so sorry, I didn’t really mean that, I just thought you might be a bigger loser than me, please don’t hurt me oh my gosh, please oh please stop looking at me like that, I’M MELTING, SHIT I’M MELTING—!!” Levi suddenly manages to prostrate his entire body in front of Connie a he sobs uncontrollably.

Before Connie can process this into his mind, someone kicks Levi in the gut.

“You retard! Get up on your knees and act like a man, for once!” Hanji scolds him with her… his manly and intimidating voice. “Shit, I knew that drunkard Erwin was smoking weed when he appointed Humanity’s Lamest Soldier as Lance Corporal.”

As if on cue, Erwin Smith appears at the door with a half-empty bottle of beer in his hand. “What the fuck are you talking about Hanji, I wasn’t fucking smoking weed.”

He tumbles about to them as he continues within hiccups, “I only had some cocaine, and I wasn’t even fucked up that time.”

Hanji’s eyes narrow down on him. “You were so high, dumbass, that you tried to fit yourself into a backpack, yelling that you were going back to your – and I quote – mother’s warm, comfy womb.”

“It wasn’t a backpack, it was a travelling bag…!”

“Actually, both of you were high, and it was you trying to stuff me into the bag because you said you were going to make a reversal of giving birth—” Levi says, but he is kicked again by Hanji, and this time, in the crotch.

They continue to bicker among themselves, and they eventually join the fight with the 104th trainees squad, all rationality gone out the window. Connie just stands there with his mouth open, and screams in a tone higher in pitch than Reiner’s—

“Damnit, Connie!” Reiner elbows him in the gut, making him sit in his bed. “Stop screaming, it’s the middle of the night.”

“Whu…? Reiner? Shit, that hurt…” Connie mutters and he realizes he’s awake. His hands fly up to his head and he finds that he has no hair. “I-I’m bald!” He says almost too happily, and Reiner has to cover his trap shut.

“You have always been, Connie. Now can we please just go back to sleep?”

“Uhh, sure, sorry about that,” Connie says as Reiner releases him. He exhales a deep breath, thank god it was all just a stupid dream.

Before he settles back into his sheets though, he catches a glimpse of Reiner climbing into his bed, with a cute little stuffed plushie tucked underneath the covers.

**Author's Note:**

> This just randomly came to me while doing laundry: the image of a tall Levi crouching down and crying. And that's how this fic came to be.


End file.
